euphoria · awaits

I had my 2nd to last piano lesson today. After all this crazy hoopla over the physical and being gone for some finals and making up tests after school, I've called my teacher several times to push back lessons/cancel them/whatever. It's strange...going into every lesson I want it to already be over, because I know I'm not prepared and I'm always afraid he'll call me out on it. I feel like my musical journey is over, and it didn't end strongly, it just fizzled out because I never had time to really practice. My teacher told me today that his two best students after me are moving to Arizona in July, leaving him with no advanced students at all. It just made me even sadder to see a man with such passion for music and teaching as he is being robbed of the gift of teaching two incredible students like them (they really are amazing). On the drive home I started reflecting on my entire experience these past 12 years; it really has been a journey with lots of bumps, sprinkled with some really gratifying moments that make it all worthwhile. I've had 9 years of lessons with my current teacher, and I'm so scared that in a few days) and what I thought would be a half hour turned into 2 hours (haha, I know that's still not nearly enough) and it was great - that piano is much brighter than what I'm used to, and the keys are a bit less responsive than my piano, but that's good for the lyrical parts when I need the keys to be a part of each other...and I'm not going to harbor any fantasies about all of us staying as close as we are. I know people grow apart, and that distance doesn't help. I want you guys to know that no matter what happens next year I will never, ever forget any of you and the impact you made on my life. Thank you for being wonderful and crazy and intelligent and caring and anything and everything I could ask for in friends. Thanks for sticking by me when things were rough, and I can only hope I did the same for you. Promise me we'll at least TRY to keep in touch, but even if we drift apart we will always have the memories we made together. It's more than half a lifetime of wonderful experiences and tears and laughter and wonderment, and something that no other group of people could ever replace. I am so sorry I could not live up to that.Which brings me to the thought that sparked this post. My last piano recital ever is June 17th. Since I will be at Evola from now on. And I must say...it's wonderful. We start out in those tiny practice rooms they have set aside for the teachers in the back, and then my teacher gets sick of the boisterous echo and overall shittiness of the piano and we move to the RECITAL HALL. I HAVE MY LESSONS IN THE RECITAL HALL. ON A SEVEN FOOT KAWAII CONCERT GRAND PIANO. ON A STAGE.

...

I asked my teacher today if this was going to be a weekly thing, and he said probably at least until recital...so after my lesson I stayed to practice and it was great - that piano is much brighter than what I'm used to, and the keys are a bit less responsive than my piano, but that's good for the lyrical parts when I need the keys to be a part of our family (teaching six Yees), and cared for us as people, not just as musicians. He came to my grandpa's wake in his keyboard scarf, remembering seeing my grandpa at all the recitals. I accompanied him on violin at his concert s(one year at beautiful Marygrove College, the next at Cherry Hill Village theater) and got to see his crazy flamboyant shirt to accompany a certain lively Cuban piece. He played Chopin's 1st ballade both years, one of my favorite pieces...I loved every piece I played under his instruction, and still hum a lot of the pieces my brother played under him. And I will never forget the day he told me sauna was really pronounced "sow-na."

In eighth grade we went to Cosi (!) and built roller coasters (the pretzel will always dominate) and learned about phenol red and made water boil at 70 degrees Celsius and wrote research papers in Sarah's mom's class and suffered through various college applications and major letdowns from colleges we're too good for anyway and slept through physics lectures and scratched our heads through calc bc lectures and nodded asleep during large group lectures and started slacking off together.

Come stop your crying, it'll be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here, don't you cry

You'll be in my heart
From this day on, now and forevermore

I had my 2nd to last piano lesson today. After all this crazy hoopla over the physical and being gone for some finals and making up tests after school, I've called my teacher several times to push back lessons/cancel them/whatever. It's strange...going into every lesson I want it to already be over, because I know I'm not prepared and I'm always afraid he'll call me out on it. I feel like my musical journey is over, and it didn't end strongly, it just fizzled out because I never had time to really practice. My teacher told me today that his two best students after me are moving to Arizona in July, leaving him with no advanced students at all. It just made me even sadder to see a man with such passion for music and teaching as he is being robbed of the gift of teaching two incredible students like them (they really are amazing). On the drive home I started reflecting on my entire experience these past 12 years; it really has been a journey with lots of bumps, sprinkled with some really gratifying moments that make it all worthwhile. I've had 9 years of lessons with my current teacher, and I'm so scared that in a few years I'll begin to forget every experience I had with him. Sometimes after lessons I'd walk out in awe not of the music I myself had just produced, but of how he showed me the potential that music could be, and what he wanted me to make it. With his guidance, I could see the beginnings of that. I will always remember the lesson when we really buckled down on the lyrical part in Chopin's 2nd Scherzo, and I was sick of the boisterous echo and overall shittiness of the piano and we move to the RECITAL HALL. I HAVE MY LESSONS IN THE RECITAL HALL. ON A SEVEN FOOT KAWAII CONCERT GRAND PIANO. ON A STAGE.

...

I asked my teacher today if this was going to ask for a check to mail in my application tonight, and when I did, my mother questioned whether I'd be able to let out some emotion and expression and do something I actually enjoyed, something I felt good at. I know a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things."
-aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

walkietalkiemanH: april showers bring may flowers MY FOOT
walkietalkiemanH: may showers bring june flowers
walkietalkiemanH: we have to adjust all of these little sayings to michigan's climate
walkietalkiemanH: april blizzards bring may showers
walkietalkiemanH: may showers bring june flowers
JadeLynnux: haha
JadeLynnux: what do june flowers bring?
JadeLynnux: a shitload of heat!
walkietalkiemanH: they bring JULY DROUGHT AND FAMINE

This is merely an extension of Vikram's post, since I started replying to his and realized it was a tad long.
Do you guys know Mrs. Jewett's back? She's not teaching TAG, though. It's Mrs. Juriga now (o.O)

TEN YEARS of our lives...we've grown to be a part of each other...and I'm not going to harbor any fantasies about all of us staying as close as we are. I know people grow apart, and that distance doesn't help. I want you guys to know that no matter what happens next year I will never, ever forget any of you and the impact you made on my life. Thank you for being wonderful and crazy and intelligent and caring and anything and everything I could ask for in friends. Thanks for sticking by me when things were rough, and I can only hope I did the same for you. Promise me we'll at least TRY to keep in touch, but even if we drift apart we will always have the memories we made together. It's more than half a lifetime of wonderful experiences and tears and laughter and wonderment, and something that no other group of people could ever replace. I am so grateful that I met you all; the past ten years would not have been the same without you.

we are the slime mold of life. oozing along, swallowing up other fungi-like substances, constantly shifting our state of being. *glop* *glop*

In third grade we watched Schoolhouse Rock and played Sundial City (you and kat were mayors!) and played CookieHouse and went to Germany and England and the Japanese store and were wax figures and did Winnie the Pooh together.

In fourth grade we grew plants and dropped eggs off the gym roof and read Johnny Tremain and wrote about Michigan history sang about michigan (A is for Autos which we're famous for?) and went to a one room schoolhouse and spent the night at Howell nature center (and meditated on my Big Comfy Couch) together. (did we go to Cosi this year?)

In fifth grade we did apprenticeship projects and circuit projects and stuck staples in our fingers obsessed over pokemon (Trevor beat the game seven times!) and got muddy together. (fifth grade memories, aside from space camp, are lacking - help me out!)

In sixth grade I was a bitch (I'm very sorry :-( ) and we learned about Life Science and perfection (from Balconi, of course) and went to McDonald's and wrote poetry in Mrs. Gayer's class and sat through adding fractions with stick-thin Ms. McLaughlin together.

In seventh grade we suffered through lit circles (*twitch*) and some of us suffered through two hours of Balconi and ornery old Mrs. Foster and Adam and I used to walk around the playground and he told me sauna was really pronounced "sow-na."

In eighth grade we went to Cosi (!) and built roller coasters (the pretzel will always dominate) and learned about phenol red and made water boil at 70 degrees Celsius and wrote research papers in Sarah's mom's class and suffered through Melkvik's lack of teaching jousted at eighth grade activity night together.

In ninth grade we enjoyed Mrs. Koppin's crazy antics and office supply obsessions and wrote lengthy Patchwork papers and suffered through boring old Earth Science (well, MOST of us) and wandered around a campus of 5,200 kids together.

In tenth grade...we kicked ass at Scioly states together? and we did close up community service and mock presidential candidate elections together.

In eleventh grade we cried through APE and the new SAT and ACT and various standardized tests and skipped class after AP tests and had an incomplete but crazy reunion at which John Zhou swore in spanish and groaned about school in general together.

This year we spent one last night at scioly states talking about everything and sucking at pool at Pinball Pete's and eating a pint of ice cream from Coldstone and one last day running around the MSU campus trying not to get lost, and suffered through various college applications and major letdowns from colleges we're too good for anyway and slept through physics lectures and scratched our heads through calc bc lectures and nodded asleep during large group lectures and started slacking off together.

Come stop your crying, it'll be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here, don't you cry

You'll be in my heart
From this day on, now and forevermore

1. I didn't get anything done
2. I didn't get anything done
3. wait...I...oh. I didn't get anything done.

SO tomorrow shall be cramming in calc 2 review (the parts of which I've done have turned out dreadfully thus far), that programming case study which I've made no headway on (I have trouble figuring out which class does what), and science olympiad stuff...I should probably pack up all the plane stuff tomorrow, so we can see about testing next week (by the way Teresa, what happened?). Hey Canton/Plymouth builder folks, how has your testing been going?

I had another piano lesson today at Evola. Since my teacher moved to Farmington, all my lessons will be at Evola from now on. And I must say...it's wonderful. We start out in those tiny practice rooms they have set aside for the teachers in the back, and then my teacher gets sick of the boisterous echo and overall shittiness of the piano and we move to the RECITAL HALL. I HAVE MY LESSONS IN THE RECITAL HALL. ON A SEVEN FOOT KAWAII CONCERT GRAND PIANO. ON A STAGE.

...

I asked my teacher today if this was going to be a weekly thing, and he said probably at least until recital...so after my lesson I stayed to practice and it was great - that piano is much brighter than what I'm used to, and the keys are a bit less responsive than my piano, but that's good for the lyrical parts when I need the keys to be a little more resistant. At any rate, before I could do a full run through of my piece I got kicked out by some other person who wanted to use the room. Heh.

I asked my mom to put me on the list at the Summit for lifeguarding - Sylvia said they just did a training session or something so there probably won't be another one for a while...but if starting pay is what she says it is, I'm willing to wait. Man, do I miss the pool...aside from coaching Special Olympics, I haven't been training since States at the end of high school season, which was...November...I was thinking about the whole lifeguarding thing and I started thinking about getting back in the pool and how good it would feel. Special Olympics isn't the same; I'm just constantly either treading water or chasing after some swimmer who thinks it's a game to clutch onto the wall and scurry away from me. Still, the experience makes me smile :)

Seniors who are going to UM - where are you going to live/where would you like to live? I sent in my deposit a few days ago and some friends from camp said the Hill is probably best, and it sounds good - near the hospital system ;-) convenient if I decide to do some volunteering again/get into some unforeseen mishap, between North campus and central...since apparently most of the freshman engineering classes are on Central campus anyway, North campus would require me to take the bus every day...? UM people, let me know what it's really like.

And lastly - has everyone made their decisions? MIT/Duke/Northwestern/Cornell/U of Chicago admits - are you going? If so I shall miss you...

"I understand small business growth. I was one."
-New York Daily News, February 19, 2000

"I've coined new words, like misunderstanding and Hispanically."
-Radio-Television Correspondents Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 29, 2001

"Even a stone can be worn down with enough rain."
-a cookie if you guess what it's from!

Does anybody need a second log for this friday?? Cause I do...haha, and there's that free Broadway Cabaret show at Cherry Hill Theater at 8 tomorrow (Thursday) - let me know if you'd like to go and we can set something up...either that or I might try to make a last minute trekk to UMMA (AH! wave of APE nostalgia!)-so..that's all, I guess.

Happy Homeworking, everyone.

Oh and the Schoolcraft competition sucked, by the way. Haha it's okay considering I put 31 pages of music together in three weeks but it was probably the worst memory slip of my life. I literally stopped and had to try to start at the same spot about five times, then when I finally got through THAT passage I couldn't get through the next...it was quite embarrassing. And to top it all off, my teacher keeps talking about how I would have made it into the recital (and $250) if I hadn't had that memory slip at the end! Oh, joy...
/rant

There is much celebration here. There was much celebration last night (as I basically watched kids jump rope and gave them tickets..seeing the same faces over and over...) and there will be much celebration in Windsor tonight! Woop! Don't know how I'll get all my homework done...

My stomach's been stupid for the past three days and I haven't really been able to get much done...hopefully it'll stop sucking by school tomorrow.

I suppose that's all. Happy CNY! ♥ :)

I realized after I posted this in the other journal that...well, I have a new one....sorry for the temporary x-posting; I shall delete the other one...

So I suppose I should be going about getting things done that are on my massive whiteboard checklist. But alas, I lack the willpower to actually do something productive. :-( Such is the horrid sloth that inevitably accompanies any break...especially this one. Oh five. Five days left...

WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?! NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Well, nothing I was supposed to get done, anyway.

So I was reading the "Body Projects" article from the Humanities course packet, and as I got further along I started getting a little incensed. This article talks about how girls today are obssessed with their bodies and how their bodies are the number one priority in their lives whereas a century ago girls focused more on character. "girls today make the body into an all-consuming project in ways young women of the past did not." This doesn't make sense in some ways, because the article (and as common knowledge would have it) talks about corsets and lacing them up too tight and whatnot. Isn't this a way to restrict your body, a sign that you care so much about your figure that you would go so far as to hinder your breathing to get the shape you want? The author goes further to talk about Queen Victoria and how she was very concerned about her body during adolescence: "she mused over her hair, which was getting too dark; her hands, which she considered ugly; and her eyebrows, which she thought so inadequate that she considered shaving them off in order to encourage their growth..." (wow this feels strangely APE-ish - i feel like I have to cite my sources after my quotation evidence...) Isn't the Queen of England worrying about her body an example of a "young woman of the past" making her body "into an all-consuming project" (taking liberty with that term here, as the author did)?

I read on and felt insulted. The author (Brumberg) was basically saying girls today care too much about their bodies; they obssess over them and turn them into 'projects'. She talked about how "nineteenth century girls often noted in their diaries when they acquired an exciting personal embellishment, such as a hair ribbon or a new dress, but these were not linked to self-worth or personhood in quite the ways they are today." Brumberg seemed to be painting a picture of the innocent, grateful nineteenth-century girl who cares naught about her looks and instead focuses on her morality and character, and contrasting it with the girl of today who's ridiculously preoccupied with her looks, materializing clothes and accessories and attributing them to self-worth, viewing self-improvement only in the sense of her appearance, trying every day to get skinnier. Now, I'll admit (and I think most girls will) that I care to an extent about the way I look. I [usually] try to look halfway decent and I am concerned about my appearance and my body. But my body has not become, nor ever will become, a project to me. My body and my appearance does not come before school, or before character. I don't obssess over my waist or my percent body fat, and while I care about my wardrobe I especially do not put self-worth into my clothes or makeup or jewelry or what have you. I look at my [sparse] journal entries or I could even dig out old diaries, and not once do they mention my body or my appearance as top priority. Maybe it's the people I surround myself with, but as far as I know, my female friends don't pour most of their energy into their bodies, either, nor do they spend time talking about their appearance or how to improve it. They are either preoccupied with academics [haha] or having fun or family or friends. Brumberg seemed to be making an unfair generalization about adolescent girls and building a frame that neither I nor most of my friends fit into. Granted, I am aware that there are tons of girls out there with eating disorders, girls who care more about their appearance than their academics, girls who do fit into that frame, but I don't think that's the way a majority of the girls are. Look at evolving female roles - more girls going to college and getting their own careers - how can you do that with a mindset focused on your body?

I suppose this entire thing was just a big long rant, and yes I know there are faults in this rant and statements that could be used against me, but I guess my point was that I was a little offended that Brumberg thinks a majority of girls today care obssessively about their bodies when I believe this to be untrue. Oh well.

Five days...